It was as if a freight train had hit me. That's the only feeling I remember. Within a fraction of a second, I felt as if I couldn't breathe, could possibly pass out...or just die.
I was home, killing time upstairs in my room, like your typical teenager. My dad was also home, so it must've been a weekend. My name echoed from the bottom of the stairs, summoning me to the kitchen table. If only I knew then what I would soon come to know, I would've jumped out my bedroom window and never looked back. Caught completely off guard, like a lamb being led to slaughter, totally unaware of the shit storm ahead, I be-bopped down the staircase, as my mom gestured for me to take a seat, which I did voluntarily. Seemingly, out of nowhere, something flew from behind me - over the top of my head, practically grazing my skull. A dull thud diverted my attention as "it" plopped directly in front of me, landing on the kitchen table. Taking a few minutes to focus, I began to digest what I was seeing. I think my heart started pounding a few seconds before my brain told me what I saw.
"It" was my diary. MY f*#*ing diary! My PRIVATE diary! Blood rushed to my head, flushing it beet red, as perspiration instantly broke out from every pore, covering my young, adolescent body. I had never felt this level of fear before in my life - not even while giving an oral report in front of the class. My whole world passed before my eyes, and in a flash, I realized life as I knew it was about to change drastically. If there had ever been a better time to be stricken with a heart-attack and die, it would have been convenient then. I was not that lucky.
The first words spoken were my mother's. "What the hell is this?", she said sternly, in a low voice I hadn't heard before then. I felt the lump in my throat swell, blocking off my ability to speak. My mind was racing. What was I going to say? Desperation took over. In a lame attempt to get out of this tightening noose, I started to laugh. They looked at me as if I were insane, and frankly, at that moment, I truly believe I was. I opened my mouth and started to explain that this was not MY diary, but writings for a play I had been working on for school. It wasn't a true story, or even about me actually. I was abruptly cut off from my babbling web of deceit. Apparently, Peggy had had enough of my deceiving lies and wanted to know the truth. My immature mind raced as I searched my creative lobes for a more convincing route, but there was nothing more I could say. It was all right there in black-and-white, ratting me out like a two-faced friend. My beautiful writings of my incredible journey, my unbelievable love, sitting there on the family table right before my eyes...and theirs.
Funny, they didn't see it like that at all. The words in my diary held no beauty to them. Instead, my own words, the words that gave me so much comfort when I had no one else to talk to, had turned against me, backing me into a corner. A corner in hell!
All they saw was ugliness. The look on their faces told me right away that I was not winning over this crowd. I sat silently for what seemed like hours. My beautiful, perfect world was closing in around me, and there was nothing I could do. I felt as if I were sinking to the bottom of a pool with a concrete block tied to my ankle. The two people that had raised and nurtured me, who supposedly loved me, had suddenly turned on me. I was now their enemy in a matter of mere minutes. Do you know what that feels like? It feels like everything you ever trusted in your life was suddenly a lie, and always had been, you just happened to be the fool that didn't catch on soon enough. I felt abandoned, I felt stupid, I felt so alone - surrounded by my so-called-family.
And that's when my true, "official" introduction to hell would begin.
***********************************************************************************************
Continue the journey with me to discover my fate and the very important message many are taking away from this emotionally charged memoir. They laugh, they cry, they never forget my story...find YOUR meaning. Available on Smashwords and Amazon~Links above.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
FridayFeelGood: 10 Things To LOVE About Winter
I know a lot of you count the days till your first snowfall...but not this chick. In fact, I loathe winter, fretting its arrival every year. Even though I live in a tropical climate (Florida) we still see a change in seasons as the northern winds whip down our coastline, and our humidity drops along with the temps - and it seems to be getting worse every year (environmental changes or me just getting older? Who's to say?)
So, as I attempt to catch some rays like a lizard on a rock, I thought up a few 'positives' about the season I loathe to keep me going (and sane) till Spring break arrives:
1. Colder Temps = 'Bulkier' Clothes!
Living in a beach community with 100% humidity means wearing little as possible most of the year, and sucking in your gut a lot! Winter, at least, gives me a chance to let out my breath fully as my flab falls where it may! Where's my sweats & yoga pants? Ahhhh comfort once again! Bye-bye bikini!
2. Hot Tubs & Fires!
Two of my fave things I look forward to - filling the hot tub and our first fire in the fireplace...yes, even in Florida! When the temps hit 70' or below, chances are you'll see us wimps scrambling to 'thaw out' by force of hot water or fire...I know, pathetic.
3. Whole New Wardrobe!
I'm sure everyone looks forward to switching out their summer clothes for a change of pace with long sleeves, fleece, and comfy slippers. I'm no exception - I love the feeling of long sleeves, jeans, and fun jackets...for about a month - then I'm over it.
4. More Grey Days!
The sun still shines, but we do experience more grey days, and sometimes I welcome these days as it gives me an excuse to be:
*be lazy all day *watch movies all day *read all day *eat all day - who doesn't love that?
5. Depression!
Now I know normally this isn't something most people would list as a 'good thing', but for a creative person sometimes it proves to be just that. When I get sad, down or depressed, my creative juices - and my need to express myself - are at their highest levels - so as a result, some of my best work comes from these dark depths when my pendulum swings to the extreme. (Oh, life as a wacky artist!!)
6. Exercise Excuse!
Don't get me wrong, I like to work out and do it almost every day - in fact, sometimes I should take a break, but I don't. Well colder weather is my perfect excuse to give me 'permission' to take the day off. Riding your bike with double layers of pants, shirt, jackets + gloves and hats seems a tad obsessed, even to me. (picture the kid from 'A Christmas Story' stuffed into his snow suit)
7. Eating Yummies I Normally Would Not!
Like I stated up above, I do take care of myself by working out and eating right...but, for some reason cold temps make it 'okay' to sneak in more junk food, especially around the holidays (even thought I don't even celebrate! ha) Maybe it's due to the fact I know my bulky clothes will cover more, leading me back to reason #1. I can always curb my feed bag habits in time for Spring and that intimidating bikini...eeeekkkk
8. Blankie Pile Up!
Nothing is cozier than a big inviting bed with layers of blankets and a big fat comforter waiting for you to dive underneath - kicking your feet wildly as you attempt to 'warm up' your side in a hurry. Oh, and by the way, partners with cold feet need to keep their distance till they remedy that situation - nothing pisses me off more than cold feet on my toasty body parts! Not funny or cute!
9. Hats Are In Fashion!
I'm a big hat wearer all year long - mainly to keep the sun from baking my face to resemble a raisin before it's time...but with winter's arrival, I get to model my fuzzy ski caps and fun warmer versions - perfect for bad hair days or just plain laziness. ha
10. Days Are Shorter - Bed Time Comes Faster!
Normally, in summer, I'm a night owl - staying up waaaay past my required sleep time - mainly because summertime is full of fun outdoor activities that keep me busy all day and into the night. Winter, however, is the opposite - and 'night' now comes at 5pm when darkness sets in and my jammies are on by 5:01pm! There have honestly been times I've looked at my husband and said, 'Is 7:30 too early to got to bed?' I wouldn't be embarrassed if say, I were 80! But I'm not, and it only makes me feel more tired, more old, and more depressed...and then, like clockwork, I ask that infamous question - 'How many days till Spring?'
So, as I attempt to catch some rays like a lizard on a rock, I thought up a few 'positives' about the season I loathe to keep me going (and sane) till Spring break arrives:
1. Colder Temps = 'Bulkier' Clothes!
Living in a beach community with 100% humidity means wearing little as possible most of the year, and sucking in your gut a lot! Winter, at least, gives me a chance to let out my breath fully as my flab falls where it may! Where's my sweats & yoga pants? Ahhhh comfort once again! Bye-bye bikini!
2. Hot Tubs & Fires!
Two of my fave things I look forward to - filling the hot tub and our first fire in the fireplace...yes, even in Florida! When the temps hit 70' or below, chances are you'll see us wimps scrambling to 'thaw out' by force of hot water or fire...I know, pathetic.
3. Whole New Wardrobe!
I'm sure everyone looks forward to switching out their summer clothes for a change of pace with long sleeves, fleece, and comfy slippers. I'm no exception - I love the feeling of long sleeves, jeans, and fun jackets...for about a month - then I'm over it.
4. More Grey Days!
The sun still shines, but we do experience more grey days, and sometimes I welcome these days as it gives me an excuse to be:
*be lazy all day *watch movies all day *read all day *eat all day - who doesn't love that?
5. Depression!
Now I know normally this isn't something most people would list as a 'good thing', but for a creative person sometimes it proves to be just that. When I get sad, down or depressed, my creative juices - and my need to express myself - are at their highest levels - so as a result, some of my best work comes from these dark depths when my pendulum swings to the extreme. (Oh, life as a wacky artist!!)
6. Exercise Excuse!
Don't get me wrong, I like to work out and do it almost every day - in fact, sometimes I should take a break, but I don't. Well colder weather is my perfect excuse to give me 'permission' to take the day off. Riding your bike with double layers of pants, shirt, jackets + gloves and hats seems a tad obsessed, even to me. (picture the kid from 'A Christmas Story' stuffed into his snow suit)
7. Eating Yummies I Normally Would Not!
Like I stated up above, I do take care of myself by working out and eating right...but, for some reason cold temps make it 'okay' to sneak in more junk food, especially around the holidays (even thought I don't even celebrate! ha) Maybe it's due to the fact I know my bulky clothes will cover more, leading me back to reason #1. I can always curb my feed bag habits in time for Spring and that intimidating bikini...eeeekkkk
8. Blankie Pile Up!
Nothing is cozier than a big inviting bed with layers of blankets and a big fat comforter waiting for you to dive underneath - kicking your feet wildly as you attempt to 'warm up' your side in a hurry. Oh, and by the way, partners with cold feet need to keep their distance till they remedy that situation - nothing pisses me off more than cold feet on my toasty body parts! Not funny or cute!
9. Hats Are In Fashion!
I'm a big hat wearer all year long - mainly to keep the sun from baking my face to resemble a raisin before it's time...but with winter's arrival, I get to model my fuzzy ski caps and fun warmer versions - perfect for bad hair days or just plain laziness. ha
10. Days Are Shorter - Bed Time Comes Faster!
Normally, in summer, I'm a night owl - staying up waaaay past my required sleep time - mainly because summertime is full of fun outdoor activities that keep me busy all day and into the night. Winter, however, is the opposite - and 'night' now comes at 5pm when darkness sets in and my jammies are on by 5:01pm! There have honestly been times I've looked at my husband and said, 'Is 7:30 too early to got to bed?' I wouldn't be embarrassed if say, I were 80! But I'm not, and it only makes me feel more tired, more old, and more depressed...and then, like clockwork, I ask that infamous question - 'How many days till Spring?'
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
The Xmas Marketing Machine - Is It Out Of Control? HoHoHo or NoNoNo?
So there I was, leisurely doing my shopping at Walmart this past weekend, minding my own business, when suddenly I heard IT. Taking a minute to notice - then to verify - yes indeedy, I WAS mindlessly listening to 'It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas' blaring from the overhead system. Had I been in a coma? Lost a week or two somewhere? Nope, it was, in fact, only November 4th! I looked at my husband and we both shook our heads in disgust.
Then to make matters worse, the next evening while scrolling through our T.V. choices for the evening, what pops up? The Grinch Who Stole Christmas! Again, I shouted out #$%&!?
Now I know a lot of you out there are more than overjoyed when Christmas rolls around, you simply love it, I get that - I'm the same about Halloween. But I don't recall seeing Halloween ads and scary movies in August! Has the 'marketing machine' gone a bit haywire over the years, or is it just me?
Remember, back in the day as kids - when the highlight of the day-after-Thanksgiving was watching the BEGINNING of the Christmas specials - Charlie Brown, The Grinch, Frosty...dreaming of the long month ahead, making our wish lists for Santa. I can't even fathom the hell kids go through now, waiting an agonizing two months for the arrival of the 'big day', as the media shoves it down their throats everywhere they look. No wonder kids are coo-coo crazy this time of year!
Yes, I am a tad bias, I know, as I don't 'do' Christmas any longer, but I would think for the people that do (and celebrate for the right reasons, not the commercialized reasons) this early shove-it-down-your-throat-earlier-and-earlier-every-year-approach would piss them off slightly, not to mention the pressure it puts on parents that are handed huge wish lists, while picturing their dwindling checking account balance. Just how DO they do it?
I have to admit, I am SO glad my son is grown, and I do not have to face that pressure any longer. I've long since detached from the crazy merry-go-round of guilt and debt in order to buy other's affection - and just in time too, as I fear the economy would of made that decision for me anyway.
So does this early marketing tactic work? It must to some degree, otherwise, why would they do it? I just think there should be some kind of limit on when we are forced to start humming along mindlessly to 'We wish you a Merry Christmas'...especially while shopping for our Halloween candy!
Even Charles Schultz made fun of the commercialized side of Christmas through his infamous holiday cartoons - and that was in the sixties! Can you imagine what he'd think today? I can almost hear him now, 'Oh GOOD GREIF...Give it a REST already!'
Then to make matters worse, the next evening while scrolling through our T.V. choices for the evening, what pops up? The Grinch Who Stole Christmas! Again, I shouted out #$%&!?
Now I know a lot of you out there are more than overjoyed when Christmas rolls around, you simply love it, I get that - I'm the same about Halloween. But I don't recall seeing Halloween ads and scary movies in August! Has the 'marketing machine' gone a bit haywire over the years, or is it just me?
Remember, back in the day as kids - when the highlight of the day-after-Thanksgiving was watching the BEGINNING of the Christmas specials - Charlie Brown, The Grinch, Frosty...dreaming of the long month ahead, making our wish lists for Santa. I can't even fathom the hell kids go through now, waiting an agonizing two months for the arrival of the 'big day', as the media shoves it down their throats everywhere they look. No wonder kids are coo-coo crazy this time of year!
Yes, I am a tad bias, I know, as I don't 'do' Christmas any longer, but I would think for the people that do (and celebrate for the right reasons, not the commercialized reasons) this early shove-it-down-your-throat-earlier-and-earlier-every-year-approach would piss them off slightly, not to mention the pressure it puts on parents that are handed huge wish lists, while picturing their dwindling checking account balance. Just how DO they do it?
I have to admit, I am SO glad my son is grown, and I do not have to face that pressure any longer. I've long since detached from the crazy merry-go-round of guilt and debt in order to buy other's affection - and just in time too, as I fear the economy would of made that decision for me anyway.
So does this early marketing tactic work? It must to some degree, otherwise, why would they do it? I just think there should be some kind of limit on when we are forced to start humming along mindlessly to 'We wish you a Merry Christmas'...especially while shopping for our Halloween candy!
Even Charles Schultz made fun of the commercialized side of Christmas through his infamous holiday cartoons - and that was in the sixties! Can you imagine what he'd think today? I can almost hear him now, 'Oh GOOD GREIF...Give it a REST already!'
Monday, November 7, 2011
MondayMindset Of A Hippie-Chick: With A Lil Help From My Friends...
Happy Monday all! If you've been here before, chances are you might of caught me ranting about the world going koo-koo or perhaps some kind of negative poo-poo post about society in general...well today I am putting 'Negative Nancy' to bed and focusing on the good in my life, after all, that is what I'm all about at my core - it's just been a bad year...we'll leave it at that.
Actually in the midst of my wallowing, I was suddenly brought back to the 'lighter side' of life, taking note of the GOODness in people - through my social networking contacts, of all things! Those fantastic people out there that don't know me from Adam really, made me realize not everyone is out to take me for everything I'm worth (or not) - some are genuinely just nice people - YES they DO still exist! And I have proof!
My twitter friends are a huge part of this realization - Facebook too. I've slowly been building a sturdy foundation of fabulous authors, artist, fans, and just great people in general, that all help to promote and support my work through whatever means they can. It truly warms my heart to think total strangers are more than willing to pass along word of your book to their friends and contacts, and in turn, that gracious effort mushrooms out to numbers I cannot even fathom. How cool is that? And nothing makes me feel better than to reciprocate - promoting their work as well. It truly is a 'you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours' kind of world in there. Not only has it brought attention to readers that otherwise never would of heard the likes of me, it has shown me a softer side of this hardening world we live in - giving me hope to keep trudging along...wherever it may lead me - who knows? But I do know along the way I've 'met' some awesome people that give me a reason to believe in myself once again, even on days when my tank is running a little low on confidence, they seem to pick up the slack for me, refueling my energy for the fight.
And for that, I am truly grateful and know I couldn't - or wouldn't - be where I am today if not for them.
So to all my twitter followers and facebook friends that I hang out with on a daily basis, I'd like to send out a great big SHOUT OUT and Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart for helping me through this journey we call life - and for promoting my memoir and me, as a person - You are ALL awesome!
And here's an example of that awesomeness! Amelia James (@trashywriter) graciously sought me out for a one-on-one interview on her very 'adult' blog - so if you'd like to see another side of me through the unique questions of our lovely Amelia and her fun 'outside-the-box' questions (that I had a blast answering) please click here and tell us what you think!
http://trashystreasures.wordpress.com/2011/11/07/author-interview-lisa-vaughn/
(Please note: link will be open after 8am EST on Monday ~ And again, it is an 'adult only' site)
Thanks for stopping by! Follow me @thegiftedones - I'd love to have another fab friend to help out! :)
Actually in the midst of my wallowing, I was suddenly brought back to the 'lighter side' of life, taking note of the GOODness in people - through my social networking contacts, of all things! Those fantastic people out there that don't know me from Adam really, made me realize not everyone is out to take me for everything I'm worth (or not) - some are genuinely just nice people - YES they DO still exist! And I have proof!
My twitter friends are a huge part of this realization - Facebook too. I've slowly been building a sturdy foundation of fabulous authors, artist, fans, and just great people in general, that all help to promote and support my work through whatever means they can. It truly warms my heart to think total strangers are more than willing to pass along word of your book to their friends and contacts, and in turn, that gracious effort mushrooms out to numbers I cannot even fathom. How cool is that? And nothing makes me feel better than to reciprocate - promoting their work as well. It truly is a 'you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours' kind of world in there. Not only has it brought attention to readers that otherwise never would of heard the likes of me, it has shown me a softer side of this hardening world we live in - giving me hope to keep trudging along...wherever it may lead me - who knows? But I do know along the way I've 'met' some awesome people that give me a reason to believe in myself once again, even on days when my tank is running a little low on confidence, they seem to pick up the slack for me, refueling my energy for the fight.
And for that, I am truly grateful and know I couldn't - or wouldn't - be where I am today if not for them.
So to all my twitter followers and facebook friends that I hang out with on a daily basis, I'd like to send out a great big SHOUT OUT and Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart for helping me through this journey we call life - and for promoting my memoir and me, as a person - You are ALL awesome!
And here's an example of that awesomeness! Amelia James (@trashywriter) graciously sought me out for a one-on-one interview on her very 'adult' blog - so if you'd like to see another side of me through the unique questions of our lovely Amelia and her fun 'outside-the-box' questions (that I had a blast answering) please click here and tell us what you think!
http://trashystreasures.wordpress.com/2011/11/07/author-interview-lisa-vaughn/
(Please note: link will be open after 8am EST on Monday ~ And again, it is an 'adult only' site)
Thanks for stopping by! Follow me @thegiftedones - I'd love to have another fab friend to help out! :)
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